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 never had much faith in love;, tag: westy <3
PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: Mar 23 2015, 11:59 PM
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116
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tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
He couldn’t sleep anymore. There were too many things nagging at the back of his mind. Tattoos that needed sketching up, bills that needed to be paid. He kind of wanted a cigarette, too. But that involved finding the pack in his discarded jeans, and crawling over the sleeping body next to him in bed to prop open the window. That sounded like far more effort than it was really worth at the moment. Besides, Phoenix didn’t want to wake his roommate up just yet. It was still early, and they’d had a long, albeit fucking amazing night. He deserved the rest after that last round. God, West was otherworldly in bed. And he looked positively angelic while he slept.

Phoenix couldn’t help but reach out to push some of the blonde strands off of his forehead gently. He hated how attached he was. How often he thought about waking up next to his best friend everyday. No more strangers, just the two of them. It was a pipedream, he realized. No one could ever want someone as fucked as he was. He’d learned that lesson. And this was Weston. He wasn’t interested in anything serious. Everyone knew that.

He sat up slowly, detangling his legs from the blonde’s and leaning back against the headboard. He wasn’t ready to get out of bed just yet. He’d wait for West. But he couldn’t just lay there anymore. He had to move. Nix reached over to the nightstand, grabbing the battered sketchbook he’d been carrying for the last few months. It was nearly full now, but he still had some usable space left. Between the tattoo designs and portraits and character sketches from the books that lined the shelves in their living room. A few of them were West’s, and they were some of his favorites. He still couldn’t quite believe his friend had somehow gotten him roped into illustrating for his next novel. But he couldn’t say he was upset. If anything he was still a bit stunned.

Glancing down at the sleeping man beside him, Phoenix felt himself smirk, and flipped to a clean page near the back of the book. He made a few simple strokes with the ink pen that had been pressed between the pages, and started the basic outlines of a new portrait. West just looked too beautiful right now, with the sun streaking in through the shitty plastic blinds, contouring the shadows on his face. Phoenix wanted to document this in the best way he knew how.

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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: Mar 24 2015, 07:06 PM
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79
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lauren IS Offline




no one quite like you
a gentle brush against his forehead, the chill of the air as the body heat that had wrapped around him all night vanished, the light sound of a pen against paper. these small things all seemed to couple together to drag weston from the dead sleep he'd been in. a sleep that he was really wishing he could fall back into. he'd been having a dream that he never wanted to wake from. it was absolute perfection. everything he wanted and more. but it was slipping away from him second by second and the blond found himself pissed as he grasped at the last remnants as they faded from his mind. had he been the type to actually cry, he might have at that moment. knowing it had all been right there in front of him, and now it was gone. it had been a long time since he'd actually hated waking up. hated knowing the life he had wasn't the one of his dream world.

honestly, the last time he recalled such a feeling in himself, was those days following his parents' deaths. he'd dreamed they were home, dreamed everything was still the way it was suppose to be. and when he awoke, knowing they were still gone, it had killed him over and over. this torture was different. because the source of his dreams, was right there beside him, leaning against the headboard he assumed. but things weren't the way they'd been in his dreams. here in the real world, nix wasn't his. sure, he got him on nights like last night. sure, he got to occasionally wake up to him in his bed. but it didn't last. soon they'd both be off with someone else. west found himself hating that thought more and more. he couldn't quite recall when the irrational jealousy had begun to sting him, but it was there, always in the back of his mind when he saw his best friend with someone else. of course, he had no right to feel that way, but that didn't stop him.

giving up on his attempts at forcing himself back to sleep, he shifted slightly, reaching up to rub his eyes. as he slowly opened them, he took in the beautiful sight beside him. propping himself up on his elbow, he smirked at the dark haired boy. "what masterpiece are you drawing this morning?" he asked with a sleepy grin on his face, before stifling a yawn and brushing a hand through his messy locks.

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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: Mar 27 2015, 10:50 PM
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116
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LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
"What masterpiece are you drawing this morning?" Phoenix rolled his eyes, glancing at the blonde now propped up on an elbow beside him. Fuck, he looked so cute, half asleep and grinning. Phoenix kind of wanted to kiss that smile off his face (and do more than a few sinful things with the rest of him), morning breath be damned. But he just smirked instead, shaking his head slightly. ”Mm. Just this really handsome fucker I woke up next to. He’s got amazing cheekbones.” West had moved now, ruining the reference of his relaxed, sleepy face and all the dynamic lighting. But Phoenix wouldn’t complain. Even if it was harder to imagine his life the way he wanted it when they were both awake and reality had crashed back in. At least in his reality, West still wanted this. Maybe he wasn’t the only one he ever wanted it with. But it was enough for now. Or he tried to convince himself it was, at any rate.

He dropped the pen on the bedside table, offering the book for West to take a look. The drawing was sketchy, he’d only had a few minutes put into it before the blonde had woken up and ruined his reference material. ”My model started moving before I could finish.” he teased. But the basic lines were there. His face starting to take shape on the page. Phoenix could probably finish it from memory later, if he really wanted to. There were dozens of unfinished pieces in the book, though, of West, Filip, his coworkers. Unfinished wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. The feeling mattered more than any sharp, crisp lines, or precision ever would.

His hand reached out to mimic West’s previous gesture, threading through messy blonde hair. The feel of it running through his fingers making him grin just a bit wider. Phoenix leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. ”Sorry I woke you. Couldn’t sleep.” Because even if West denied it (he would more likely whine about it, Phoenix knew this, too), he knew that it was his own moving around and rustling about that had likely dragged the blonde out of sleep. And he genuinely had been trying not to. He didn’t want this lazy morning to be over so quickly. Mornings like these were all he had when it came to being the only person West was looking at. They were all he could hold onto when they both inevitably ended up in bed with strangers later on.

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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: Mar 28 2015, 08:55 PM
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79
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lauren IS Offline




no one quite like you
"aww, shit baby, if i'd realized you were drawing me, i'd have stayed still." hell, he'd really, really, wanted to stay still. if he could have fallen back asleep he'd have been only too pleased. of course, he couldn't complain all that much though. being awake did have the amazing perk of actually getting to look at the real nix. and there was just something even more beautiful about the dark haired boy beside him when he was awake. his dream nix couldn't hold a candle to the real one, but at least his dream one had been his and only his. he wanted to sigh, he wanted to groan, he wanted to throw a hand over his head and beg for sleep to take him again, but instead he kept his grin in place and continued to stare at his best friend.

taking the offered book, he set in front of him and stared at a sketchy outline of his own face. now, weston was about as vain as they came, he knew he was good looking and he enjoyed flaunting it. the drawing, though not completed, still made him take pause. he looked peaceful, hell, he knew why he looked so peaceful, he'd been happier then he could ever remember being while he'd been asleep, and that seemed to come across in the drawing. or maybe he just wanted to believe it did. either way, it didn't matter. in the end, nix always made him look even better, if that was even possible. a part of him wanted to believe it was because his best friend saw something more in him, but of course, that was just wishful thinking.

"hey, it's not my fault someone else started moving around first," a mock glare appeared on his features, but he couldn't maintain it long. a lazy smirk slipping in to replace it as phoenix's fingers ran through his hair. a part of him wanted to purr or maybe to beg him not to stop. with the kiss to his forehead though he couldn't keep his mouth shut. "what kind of morning kiss is that?" he questioned with a raised brow before reaching out and tugging on his arm. "i'll forgive the too early wake up if you give me a proper kiss." his smirk slipped back into place firmly as he eyed the man beside him. fuck, he wished he could wake up like this every morning. before nix, west had never believed he'd actually want to wake up to someone else in his bed. but he'd changed his mind quite some time ago, too bad he didn't have the bravery to actually admit it out loud.

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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: Mar 30 2015, 11:21 AM
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116
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fire
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single

sparky IS Offline




LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
”Nah, it’s alright. You didn’t know.” he shook his head slightly. As much as he would have enjoyed getting to watch the blonde sleep so peacefully for just a bit longer, he couldn’t complain about him being awake, either. As long as he got to waste his time with him, he couldn’t be upset.

He was quiet while West looked over the sketch, watching his expression. As much as he appreciated the compliments and praise people gave him for his work, there was something far more satisfying about no words at all. Just seeing the look that came over someone’s face when they looked at a piece, be it a sketch in his book, or a finished tattoo on their own arm. It was what he lived for. ”Fuck off.” he grinned, taking the book back and pushing it back onto the nightstand, out of the way.

”You think I want to kiss you with that rank-ass morning breath?” But he didn’t hold himself to his snarky remark. Phoenix leaned forward, pressing their lips together gently, holding Weston’s face in his hands as he slid down against the mattress once more. He moved slowly, dragging it out, pressing forward, tangling limbs together again. There was never any rush with West. Everything slowed down, time stood still. He could enjoy the moment for what it was. Let it mean something until they had to break apart and rejoin the real world again. Fantasies lived on happily during their lazy mornings, wrapped up in the bedsheets together, hidden away from the rest of the world. It was like it was almost real. Almost.

”That better, Westy?” he pulled back slightly with a smirk, their noses nearly brushing. What he wouldn’t have given to spend the entire day in bed with him. Unfortunately he’d eventually have to get up and go into the parlor. He had work to do. But right now he didn’t care. Right now he had West. ”I can always try again.”

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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: Apr 26 2015, 09:10 AM
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79
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23-YEARS-OLD
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lauren IS Offline




no one quite like you
a flicker of relief crossed his face knowing he hadn't completely ruined nix's morning by waking up. even though he still held that it was the other man's fault he'd stirred in the first place, but blame could be withheld today. this morning he was determined to at least pretend his dream had been true. laying in bed with nix, he could almost convince himself this was how it really was. that nothing would change once they left the comforts of the sheets and blankets.

"i'd much rather fuck you." he said with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows before grinning mischievously at his best friend. a chuckle escaped moments later as nix took the sketchbook from him and shoved it on to the nightstand. it still never ceased to amaze him how comfortable they seemed to be sharing a bed with one another. sure, they had their own rooms. and yes, they did sleep apart quite often. but when they were together, it really did just feel right. it was such a strange concept for west and he tried his damnedest not to think about it too much. but now again, like now, it slipped into his mind and he wondered why they couldn't just always do this. and then reality struck and he remembered that neither of them knew how to keep it in their pants and inevitably he'd end up fucking it up and losing nix. so, it was much safer to just remain like this.

at nix's words, weston let out a little huff of agitation. "hey, even my rank morning breath is sexy, so shut the fuck up." his fear that he really wasn't going to get a proper morning kiss didn't last even a moment though, because there was nix already leaning in to press their lips together. his own lips curved up in a satisfied grin as their lips moved over one another, fitting together perfectly. as nix slid down beside him, west wrapped his arms around the other male and pulled him closer against him, limbs entangling as they kissed lazily. exploring each other's mouths with their own. this was the perfect way to get a day started.

as phoenix pulled back slightly, west sighed in contentment and opened his eyes slowly, taking in his friend's pink lips shining from their kissing. brushing their noses against one another for a second and then placing a soft kiss to the tip of nix's nose, he tried to pull a completely unaffected look and shrugged. "it was alright, i think you can do better though." and then he smiled because he was happy. because he wanted nothing more than to just stay here all day. but he knew nix would leave soon and he was a greedy bastard who was going to milk this as long as he could. "come here." he said softly even as he was already pulling nix's head to him and pressing their lips together once more softly.


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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: Apr 26 2015, 06:19 PM
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116
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sparky IS Offline




LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
”What? Did you not get enough of that last night?” he laughed softly, eyebrows raised in question. Last night had been good. Really good. Phoenix still felt like he was on a high from it. Then again, he usually did when he got to do this with West. The two of them alone, curled up together in bed, with the freedom to do and say and be anything they wanted to. How many of his own relationships had he sabotaged just to get back to this place? He couldn’t recall an exact number, but there had been plenty. He didn’t know how to stay away, or let go. And he always wound up back where he started, caught between the sheets with this man he’d loved for longer than he cared to admit, wondering what it would be like if he just loved him back.

Phoenix grinned before moving in to kiss him, ”Is that what you tell yourself, Westy?” The amusement in his voice was evident. But he didn’t leave much room for response before their lips were pressed together, sliding into that familiar territory once more as he sank back into the mattress again. The way they moved together, lips, fingers, bodies, it just felt right. Like no one else could ever replicate the way they were together. Or produce that same flutter in Phoenix’s chest that was unique to every moment spent with Weston Samuels.

It was so easy to pretend like this. The way West looked at him, eyes opening slowly, lips still parted. He looked fucking beautiful. And Phoenix wondered why he didn’t just tell him. That he loved him, that he never wanted another person to share a moment like this, and see what he was seeing right now. But he knew why. It was pointless. They weren’t cut out for forever, not with each other, or anyone else. The two of them didn’t know how to make things last. They’d screw it up somehow, break each other’s hearts. And a brief period of bliss wasn’t worth that, was it?

And then Weston was grabbing his attention again, pulling him back in with soft words, gently directing him with his hands. And Nix just let his eyes fall closed, let himself live in this moment here, where everything was a dream come true, and he didn’t have to think about inevitabilities. He could just enjoy this, their lips moving against each others, hands sliding over smooth skin, bodies pressed close. So fucking close. Phoenix never felt like he could get close enough, no matter how tight he wound his arms around him, or pressed into his touch. He always wanted to be closer. ”You’re fucking amazing.” the words came out disjointed, breathy and fumbled between presses of lips, but he meant every sloppy syllable.


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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: Apr 27 2015, 07:02 PM
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79
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23-YEARS-OLD
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lauren IS Offline




no one quite like you
"enough of you? is that even possible?" in west's mind, the answer was a resounding no. because he could have nix in his bed, every second, of every day, and he was positive he'd never get tired of him. it was part of the reason he knew that what he felt for his best friend wasn't just lust. because as much as he enjoyed being with different people. he never thought about keeping them around for too long. even those he deemed friends with benefits still grew tiring for him. he still needed to mix it up a bit. throw in some other lays in between before he went back to them. but nix. he liked to think he'd be content with just him. and yet, he feared he'd end up getting scared and doing something stupid because he couldn't deal with how he really felt. it was one thing to think about it, to dream about it, but to actually acknowledge it and act on it. he was too chicken for that shit.

west didn't even attempt to answer phoenix's question, simply choosing to ignore it, especially once those soft lush lips were heading in his direction. his heart beat a faster rhythm as he folded nix into his arms, leaving no space between their bodies. no matter how close they were, it never seemed close enough to him. but as they kissed and moved together perfectly in sync with one another, he felt that familiar warmth spread through his body. it was as if his blood was on fire. it seemed fitting that the boy with the name of a fire bird would light him up.

the world seemed to stand still when they were like this. he could pretend that the world was absolutely perfect when he had phoenix beside him like this. when all he could taste, smell, feel, was the boy he loved. like this, he could let himself believe it was real. let himself believe he was worthy of someone like nix. believe that he was worthy of anyone, of anything. believe that maybe his parents weren't such idiots for falling in love, for being reckless with their hearts. but when the moment ended. he knew there would be an ache in his chest. the ache that he then tried desperately to make disappear, through his many vices. fighting, drinking, and screwing anyone else. just enough to forget for a moment what he really wanted.

once their lips were once more sealed together, weston let his mind wander. eyes slipped shut, hands worshipping the perfection that was the boy beside him, lips tasting, teeth biting, it was so easy to just feel it all. to memorize it. a little memory to pull up when he was by himself. a little inspiration for his writing. as his lips trailed down, nix's neck, he listened to the breathy words that were spoken and he felt his heart stutter in his chest. lips still lingering on the soft skin beneath his ear, he whispered, "and you're absolute perfection."

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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: Apr 29 2015, 09:53 PM
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116
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LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
”I hope not.” Fuck, he really hoped not. Still, he’d been expecting it for years, insecurity creeping in every time they went more than a week without instigating something between the two of them. The thought that West would eventually get tired of him, like he did everyone else, was actually a terrifying one. But, Phoenix supposed, so was being in love with someone who refuted the very idea of the feeling at every turn. He didn’t want to be in love, didn’t want someone to fall in love with him. Not after his parents, Nix knew that. He knew that. And yet every attempt to tell himself he didn’t love him, wouldn’t, couldn’t… They had all failed miserably. There was nothing platonic about any minute they spent together, feelings bleeding into every aspect of their relationship that had no business being there. One of these days Weston was going to figure it out. And Phoenix was going to lose all of this.For now he was just content enjoying what he had while it lasted. Holding on as tight as he could.

The way they moved together, slotted together so perfectly in every way. Scarred hands twining together that felt like they were molded to fit perfectly, only in each other’s grasp. All the soft grunts and breathy gasps, the choked out words that were meant to be forgotten, but almost always played on loop in Phoenix’s mind. Over and over, like they were in a permanent orbit. Sometimes it was hard, separating the fantasy from reality. Sometimes Nix swore he could feel something more there. Something from West that he didn’t get from anyone else when they fell together in bed. But perhaps that was just ten years of friendship, countless hours of learning each other’s bodies, what made them fall apart in the most beautifully imperfect ways. Perhaps it was just Phoenix wanting something so badly his own head decided to manifest it for him.

He tilted his head back easily when West’s lips altered course, exposing more of his neck for him. His breath hitching in his throat with each press of his lips, words coming out choppy and broken. A shudder ran down his spine at the soft words spoken against his skin, heart stuttering in his chest. ”Mm. Fuck. I bet you say that to all the pretty boys.” he sighed out, a small smirk playing at his lips as he threaded his fingers into the blonde's hair. A part of him wanted West to contest the statement, to tell him he was wrong. But he didn’t figure he would. What reason did he have to?


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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: Apr 30 2015, 05:58 PM
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no one quite like you
as phoenix spoke, weston wasn't sure how to take the words that left his mouth. the rational side added the words that weren't actually spoken aloud, until i find someone else. but the stupid side, the side he knew needed to keep it's nose out of this, wanted to be overjoyed. wanted to believe that it meant more. that nix actually felt the same way as he did. but really, what did it matter if he did? he wouldn't act on it any more than west would, because he had made it clear so many times through the years that he had no interest in more. nix knew his stance on love, on commitment, on anything even remotely romantic. it wasn't for him. he would be the perpetual bachelor, enjoying his sexual prime, and then becoming one of those creepy assholes in the bar who hits on everyone. he'd resigned himself to his fate, but hell, he was allowed to pretend now and again. "never baby, you know you're stuck with me forever."

despite everything, west knew it would all come to an end one day. it didn't matter how perfect they were together in bed, how close they were outside of the bedroom, how nix was the only person in the world he trusted with everything. because at the end of the day, nix would find someone worthy of his love and he'd give himself over to them and west would be left remembering all the good times on his own. sure, their friendship would survive - he'd die if it didn't - but it would never be the same. so, he had to take what he could get while he had it. store it all away for the day he couldn't feel like this again, because no one made him feel the way nix could. they'd spent so much time together, learning what they liked, what got them to bliss quickest, or how to drag it out. they probably knew each other better than they knew themselves. and it all paid off in the end.

a small grin slipped across his lips as phoenix moved his head to expose more of his neck. tasting every inch he could get his mouth on, he sighed softly against the pale skin. nix's response sent a chill down west's spine and he pulled back slightly, gazing down at his best friend, taking in the flushed face in front of him. he shouldn't make a big deal out of this, he knew he shouldn't. he should just say something stupid and move on, but he couldn't let nix actually believe he was just like everyone else. he was so much more. shaking his head he tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke, "you know that's not true, right?" he chewed his lower lip in frustration at himself, "i don't treat you the same way i do all the pretty boys." groaning, he rolled his eyes and resumed kissing on his neck trying to ignore the part of his brain shouting at him for being so ridiculous.

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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: May 2 2015, 01:48 AM
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116
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24-YEARS-OLD
fire
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sparky IS Offline




LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
His stomach flipped at the words. ”Good. Can’t fucking live without you.” He wanted this forever, but a part of him wasn’t sure how he’d survive if this was all it would ever be. Just friendship and sex and their quiet moments that felt like so much more than they truly were. Nothing real. Nothing he could hold on to. Nix was constantly chasing after that with other people. Something tangible. Not just a daydream that he desperately wanted to come true. But the truth was, he knew there was no one else he would find this with. He couldn’t make himself fall in love with someone else, no matter how much easier it would be on him. The truth was, he would rather have what little he had with West, than a steady relationship and not have West at all.

Things had been going well. Until Phoenix had spoken, and then there weren’t lips trailing over his skin any longer. And he peeked out from under his eyelids after a second to see West looking down at him. The look on his face something more serious than what he had expected to see. Like maybe Phoenix had said something wrong this time and struck a nerve. It happened sometimes, no matter how careful they both were about avoiding each other’s sore spots. He almost asked what was wrong, but then the blonde was shaking his head and speaking up.

There was a sincerity in his voice, his face, even as he rolled his eyes at himself and tried to resume their previous activities, like it might cover up the moment of vulnerability he’d just displayed. But Phoenix liked the softer sided of him, he always had. When those walls came down and there was this air of innocence there. It was part of the reason he’d fallen so undoubtedly in love with him over the last ten years; He knew the Weston underneath the violent, venomously sarcastic exterior. And that Weston was fucking beautiful.

He pulled away from his best friend’s lips, taking a moment to look over his face, fingers brushing the blonde hair away from his forehead. ”I know that, Westy.” Phoenix kissed him again, this time softer, slower, more gentle than before, like he was trying to get his point across. ”This is special. It always has been.” he mumbled the words out quietly, moving his lips against his jaw, trailing down the other man’s neck in a slow succession of kisses, similar to what he’d been doing to Nix before.

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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: May 3 2015, 02:30 PM
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79
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23-YEARS-OLD
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lauren IS Offline




no one quite like you
just the two of them, wrapped around each other in his bed, those were the words he needed to hear. the words that set his blood on fire and made him sure this was right. this was perfect. this was real. of course it wasn't, but the words fueled the fantasy. made it seem like maybe it was possible. that they really could have forever together. "wouldn't want to live without you." the honesty behind those words surprised even weston at times. if he had to choose a life without nix or death, he'd choose the latter every time. because really, what kind of life would he actually have without the boy in his arms? there were so many times over the last ten years that weston had attempted to push him away out of fear but phoenix had always remained. always by his side no matter what happened. now, even the thought of losing him made him want to scream.

why had he opened his mouth? why had he even said anything? it was stupid, he was stupid, he hated those moments where his mouth worked faster than his brain. if he'd just been able to keep it to himself, everything would have remained perfect. he could have continued his course of devouring his best friend's neck. left a few marks to remind the other boy, every time he looked in the mirror today, who he'd been with. marks that would hopefully detour someone else from feeling like they had any right to him, at least until they faded. but he'd spoken and felt like an idiot, even once his mouth had returned to it's original objective.

the feeling only got worse when phoenix pulled away from him. couldn't he just let it be? forget the nonsense that had escaped him? obviously the answer was no. nix had never been one to let him get away with saying something and not being held responsible for it. over the years, he'd been one of the only people to see the part of him that he tried so hard to keep hidden. the vulnerability that he wished didn't exist had broken through over the years and nix had gotten to witness it each time. though he never felt judgement from his best friend, he still didn't enjoy the cracks showing in his armor.

he couldn't deny, however, that he liked these tender moments. enjoyed the soft feel of nix's hand brushing back the hair off his forehead. the soft, slow kiss that felt just as amazing as the heated ones they had shared. his stomach twisted in knots as he listened to his friend speak, his eyes cast down looking at the bed instead of those blue eyes that he knew he'd get lost in if he just glanced up. weston had even realized he'd been holding his breath until, the soft burst of air slipped between his lips as nix's began their journey across his jawline and down his neck. his grip on the other boy tightened as he pulled his close, tipping his head to expose the column of his neck more fully. "i never want what we have to end."


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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: May 4 2015, 08:38 PM
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tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
”’M not going anywhere, babe.” A life without Weston… Nix didn’t want to imagine it. He never would have thought when they were kids meeting at the academy, two young, arrogant fire students with mouths too big for their own good, that he’d become such a permanent fixture in his life. But there wasn’t a day that went by that Nix didn’t talk to him, see him, want to be near him. Imagining a future with anyone else seemed blasphemous. Even if he knew one day he’d have to let this go and move on. He’d have to find someone else. Because he couldn’t live his life pining after a man who didn’t love him back. But still, he didn’t want anyone else. Maybe someday they’d be able to stop this song and dance. He’d be able to give it up. Today was not that day.

He knew that West didn’t like the vulnerability. He liked to keep his cards close to his chest, to keep a brave face on and convince the world he was unbreakable. But Phoenix knew better. He always had. The two of them were too similar in some respects, and he could see right through the facade. And he was never really one to let it slide. Maybe he shouldn’t have always pressed the issues. But he had learned the hard way, over and over again, that it wasn’t any good to keep things bottled up. To pretend like he was invincible, like nothing ever touched him. He didn’t want that for West. Not with him. They could be honest with each other, couldn’t they? There was no reason to hide.

West wouldn’t look at him, eyes downcast as he spoke. He just hoped it wasn’t anything to do with him or what he’d said. That he was just embarrassed by his own little moment of honesty, and not avoiding him for some bigger reason. He wasn’t left much time to dwell on it, though.

Fingers pressed harder into his back and shoulders, pulling him in closer, West’s head tipping back to give him more room to work. A puff of breath and a simple statement making his stomach flip, even if he knew it shouldn’t have. He was just babbling, it didn’t mean anything. Still, Phoenix moved slowly, lips still working at the blonde’s neck, teeth grazing sensitive skin, all the while maneuvering the pair of them, pressing Weston’s back into the mattress, crawling on top of his lean frame. ”It doesn’t have to, Westy. I-” he cut himself off with a short sigh, knowing that it didn’t matter if he said it or not. His best friend would never want that with him. It would hurt less to just leave it alone. ”I don’t want it to.” he spoke softly against pale skin.


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WESTON ROURKE SAMUELS
 Posted: May 5 2015, 07:50 PM
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79
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23-YEARS-OLD
fire
author / fighter
single

lauren IS Offline




no one quite like you
despite phoenix's words, weston couldn't help but add those unspoken words again in his head. why did he always do that? why couldn't he just let it be? just let himself believe that nix really meant what he said. that he really wasn't going anywhere? of course the answer was easy. living in a fantasy wasn't healthy. they might do it during moments like this, but his mind always had to remind him that it would end. one day he'd have to give up on his dream of being with nix and let the boy go. let him be happy with someone actually worthy of him. because it was obvious to anyone with half a brain that west was not that guy. he didn't deserve someone as good as nix to actually love him. to be in love with him, that is. "better not."

no matter how much he might love this boy, it still didn't stop him from feeling awkward when he let his guard down. it just didn't feel like him. he was so good and controlling himself, at controlling situations he found himself in, but with nix, he lost that all. the guy just had away of knocking down all of his walls and leaving him feeling defenseless. it should have made him lash out but instead he always felt like it just made him withdraw into himself, to try and shut himself down more, and really, he hated it. he wished he could just be honest with himself and with nix and just let out how he really felt. but, he was too afraid of what would happen if he actually told phoenix the big secret he'd been hiding. would he lose his best friend completely? would he just lose this? would nix look at him like he'd lost his mind, which mind you he was pretty sure he had. but still. he didn't like any of those ideas.

what he did like, however, was nix's maneuvering. the way the other boy pushed him into the mattress, crawling a top him. from this angle he had the most spectacular view. his hands slid up phoenix's body, sliding along the hills and valleys of his chest, a sigh escaping his lips followed by happy little sounds of contentment as phoenix made good work of his neck. west felt his heart pick up the pace, the butterflies start to circle in his stomach making him feel a tinge nauseous, and his breath to come out a little bit shallower as he listened to nix speak. but then he stopped. the little sigh driving weston mad. clearly he had meant to say something else. but had changed his mind. that just wouldn't do. grabbing hold of his head, he pulled his mouth to his and kissed him softly. "that's not what you were going to say." he chided, pushing against him lightly, to make him sit up. "tell me what's on your mind baby."


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PHOENIX JACOB TURNER
 Posted: May 6 2015, 11:45 PM
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116
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24-YEARS-OLD
fire
tattoo artist
single

sparky IS Offline




LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
tag weston ♥
let the otp journey begin~
He wasn’t really sure how to just how much he loved this. It was so different from the regular one-night stands and serial fucks. Nix craved this, the gentleness between them. The soft words and slow, deliberate movements. The way the fell into a rhythm without even trying. They just knew each other that well. He loved the feeling of West’s hands sliding up his chest, the breathy, little sounds he made as Phoenix worked at his neck. It was intoxicating, just being near him, breathing him in, listening to him come undone. He lived for these moments between them, committed them to memory for the day when they no longer came. He wanted to hang onto this for as long as he could.

He’d thought he’d gotten away with the slip, especially once there were hands on his face, dragging him into another soft kiss. The kind of kiss that took his breath away every single time without fail, made his heart flutter in his chest. But it broke off just as quickly as Phoenix’s words had. And he could tell he’d been caught. West knew him better than that. And the two of them were far too much alike; They could never let anything go. Phoenix let out a groan as he sat up, pushing a hand through his hair. It was starting to get long now, he’d have to think about getting it cut. Or maybe he’d grow it out for awhile, see how it looked. It wasn’t important right that second.

”It’s nothing, Westy.” It wasn’t, but he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say. He couldn’t tell him that he loved him. Not in the way that he really meant. Couldn’t tell him that he wanted to be the only one that got to touch him like this, the only one that he touched. It wasn’t fair to put that on him. To pour out feelings that were clearly unreciprocated. And he didn’t want to lose this. Any of it. Even if it would mean nothing, at least he could pretend, once in awhile, that things were real. He didn’t think he’d be able to cope if all of that was ripped away from him, replaced with a harsh reality. ”Just tripped over my words or some shit. C’mon.” he leaned back in to kiss him again, hoping he’d let the whole thing drop and let Nix get back to what he was good at. Keeping his mouth shut and making him feel good.


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